The Singles' Weekend - Part 1
Yes. I went to a singles weekend this past Shabbos.
I’m not really that old or desperate, but I figured it would be a good experience. And despite not really coming away with any solid dating prospects, I think I accomplished my goal.
Before we get into the nitty gritty details of the Shabbaton, I just want to open with my general impressions.
One of the biggest reasons for the current SC (in my opinion) is that guys and girls don’t have realistic views on dating and what to expect out of potential marriage partners. I will deal with all of the girls’ problems in a different post; but let’s talk about the guys’ problems for a second.
I think one of the biggest problems with guys and dating is the list. If you’re a “frum” guy and you haven’t been arrested for at least a year, you probably have a list of 20 – 30 beautiful size 2 “ST/OT/PT” s that you can go out with. This instills a false sense of entitlement in a guy. Guys go out looking to only do one thing – not “settling”.
I think this is a very unhealthy way to approach dating, and I’m a guy.
That’s why I think the best part of the Shabbaton is that there is a 1:1 guy: girl ratio. That atmosphere returns the dating world to the “natural order” – guys chasing after girls. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I think that dating should be all about a guy “winning the heart” of a girl, and that’s just not going to happen if a guy with his list just walks around with a certain sense of entitlement all day. That’s why I give a lot of credit to all the guys who went; it wasn’t because they were desperate, it was because they felt they needed to do some chasing for a change.
Another benefit of the Shabbaton was the potential amount of bad first dates it saved. Think about it…100 guys times 100 girls equals 10,000 initial meetings!
Not that every one of the participants would go out with each other normally, but people certainly saved a lot of time on future dates which would have gone nowhere. And I think the participants (mostly) had the right approach. This kind of an event really can’t turn personal. You go over and talk to someone of the opposite gender for a few minutes; if there’s something there, the two of you can go somewhere quiet to talk. If not, you just move on, no hard feelings. The problem is that it can turn a little too business-like. Additionally, looks play too big of a role at a Shabbaton like this. The only thing most people end up doing at this kind of event is make a first impression – so the pressure is on to make a good one. It sounds like I’ve just contradicted myself, I know, but I think that overall, the experience I had was positive and I really think much good will come out of this past weekend.
So much for the introduction…next time a real recap and maybe some good stories ;-)
I’m not really that old or desperate, but I figured it would be a good experience. And despite not really coming away with any solid dating prospects, I think I accomplished my goal.
Before we get into the nitty gritty details of the Shabbaton, I just want to open with my general impressions.
One of the biggest reasons for the current SC (in my opinion) is that guys and girls don’t have realistic views on dating and what to expect out of potential marriage partners. I will deal with all of the girls’ problems in a different post; but let’s talk about the guys’ problems for a second.
I think one of the biggest problems with guys and dating is the list. If you’re a “frum” guy and you haven’t been arrested for at least a year, you probably have a list of 20 – 30 beautiful size 2 “ST/OT/PT” s that you can go out with. This instills a false sense of entitlement in a guy. Guys go out looking to only do one thing – not “settling”.
I think this is a very unhealthy way to approach dating, and I’m a guy.
That’s why I think the best part of the Shabbaton is that there is a 1:1 guy: girl ratio. That atmosphere returns the dating world to the “natural order” – guys chasing after girls. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I think that dating should be all about a guy “winning the heart” of a girl, and that’s just not going to happen if a guy with his list just walks around with a certain sense of entitlement all day. That’s why I give a lot of credit to all the guys who went; it wasn’t because they were desperate, it was because they felt they needed to do some chasing for a change.
Another benefit of the Shabbaton was the potential amount of bad first dates it saved. Think about it…100 guys times 100 girls equals 10,000 initial meetings!
Not that every one of the participants would go out with each other normally, but people certainly saved a lot of time on future dates which would have gone nowhere. And I think the participants (mostly) had the right approach. This kind of an event really can’t turn personal. You go over and talk to someone of the opposite gender for a few minutes; if there’s something there, the two of you can go somewhere quiet to talk. If not, you just move on, no hard feelings. The problem is that it can turn a little too business-like. Additionally, looks play too big of a role at a Shabbaton like this. The only thing most people end up doing at this kind of event is make a first impression – so the pressure is on to make a good one. It sounds like I’ve just contradicted myself, I know, but I think that overall, the experience I had was positive and I really think much good will come out of this past weekend.
So much for the introduction…next time a real recap and maybe some good stories ;-)
posted by MoDox Machmir Man at 5:31 PM
2 Comments:
First of all I take personal offense as a male student of PT that you refer to it as a woman's profession. Secondly, it sounds like you had a good time but I am completely confused as to the point you are trying to make. What does settle mean?
ok i have a prob with girls being a psych major just bc its the quickest major (in my school atleast) and they can get their degree, get married and pop out kids.
i'm happy to see that you want to win a girl's heart and restore the dating world to its natural balance (...so chivalry isn't dead hmm)
good point on the fact that not everyone's meant to be a learner/extreme chesed doer/superman/etc
looking forward to more installments!
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