Wow
Stop reading Shidduch books and read this.
Now.
If you have time, read the whole thing. It might take a while.
I'm not so sure that single people should be reading this, though. Not because it is inappropriate, but because it really makes you want to get a girlfriend/boyfriend NOW just to see if that level of emotion and feeling are even possible. If I fall in love with my (future) wife like Robert Avrech has been in love with his for over 27 years, I will be a lucky man.
I just don't know how one can achieve that level from Shidduch dating people. Assuming such a level exists and he's not just romanticizing the whole story. Even if he is romanticizing a little, it's still beautiful. That’s why I feel strongly about the whole “modern orthodox” way of building a relationship over time versus getting engaged after a week. That will obviously be a longer discussion for a different time.
But just quickly:
It’s not really fair of me to make this into an MO vs. Yeshivish issue; it’s not. You can be Yeshivish and still take time to build a relationship with a girl. And I have no problem (not that anyone cares) with couples getting engaged very quickly if things make sense. But you will not convince me that a couple that has known each other for a few weeks (plus a short engagement) will walk down to the Chupa with the same feelings and emotions than a couple that walks down after being through more with each other, if nothing else than time. Relationships take time to build. Obviously for Frum people, most of the building occurs after marriage, but I feel there should be a significant foundation on which to build.
Maybe we’ll continue this over the weekend.
Now go read Robert Avrech.
Now.
Now.
If you have time, read the whole thing. It might take a while.
I'm not so sure that single people should be reading this, though. Not because it is inappropriate, but because it really makes you want to get a girlfriend/boyfriend NOW just to see if that level of emotion and feeling are even possible. If I fall in love with my (future) wife like Robert Avrech has been in love with his for over 27 years, I will be a lucky man.
I just don't know how one can achieve that level from Shidduch dating people. Assuming such a level exists and he's not just romanticizing the whole story. Even if he is romanticizing a little, it's still beautiful. That’s why I feel strongly about the whole “modern orthodox” way of building a relationship over time versus getting engaged after a week. That will obviously be a longer discussion for a different time.
But just quickly:
It’s not really fair of me to make this into an MO vs. Yeshivish issue; it’s not. You can be Yeshivish and still take time to build a relationship with a girl. And I have no problem (not that anyone cares) with couples getting engaged very quickly if things make sense. But you will not convince me that a couple that has known each other for a few weeks (plus a short engagement) will walk down to the Chupa with the same feelings and emotions than a couple that walks down after being through more with each other, if nothing else than time. Relationships take time to build. Obviously for Frum people, most of the building occurs after marriage, but I feel there should be a significant foundation on which to build.
Maybe we’ll continue this over the weekend.
Now go read Robert Avrech.
Now.
posted by MoDox Machmir Man at 1:42 PM
3 Comments:
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No romantisizing at all. Just the facts. Oh, and I've been in love with Karen much longer than the 29 years we've been married. I fell in love with Karen when I was 10-years old and we were 4th grade students in the co-ed Yeshiva of Flatbush.
Finally the voice of the so called "Princess" is heard. Love is mysterious and can't be analyzed. How could Robert have known me from across the school yard? Is his immediate attachment any different than a week long connection that just feels "right" after a proper shidduch introduction? The chemistry has to be right, the values understood, honesty, compassion, humor, and most important respect and a recognition that each individual needs to grow are essential for a marriage. Most of this growth occurs after the chuppah no matter what. When I finally really met Robert, that is, we went out on a real date, I knew this was something special after the first date. So, if the pre-selection has been done, and the magic is there right away, I say go for it. (The same thing happened to my daugher, Baruch Hashem). Don't force it because everything looks good on paper.
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