On compensation
I’ve heard about the Baltimore Shadchan incentive program ($2,500 to the shadchan of a consummated shidduch involving a Baltimore area girl), and now, apparently, Queens has one too. I understand that it’s necessary in Baltimore, where girls just don’t get that much exposure, but you would think that Queens is a large enough area for natural networking to be done.
I’m really not trying to sound negative here. I understand that making a shidduch is hard work and the shadchan should most certainly be compensated for his/her efforts; in fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a Halacha (not sure where though). But if you read that Queens sight and all the nitty-gritty rules, I don’t know, it just seems to take all the “romance” out of dating. Looking at the bottom rule, if I were a betting man, I would bet that there have been quite a few Beis Dinim convened to determine who gets paid on a Shidduch. That just seems wrong. Again, I’m not saying people don’t need that incentive; it just leaves me with a bad feeling after reading all those rules.
Don’t worry; I’ll have a more fun post up next.
I’m really not trying to sound negative here. I understand that making a shidduch is hard work and the shadchan should most certainly be compensated for his/her efforts; in fact, I’m pretty sure it’s a Halacha (not sure where though). But if you read that Queens sight and all the nitty-gritty rules, I don’t know, it just seems to take all the “romance” out of dating. Looking at the bottom rule, if I were a betting man, I would bet that there have been quite a few Beis Dinim convened to determine who gets paid on a Shidduch. That just seems wrong. Again, I’m not saying people don’t need that incentive; it just leaves me with a bad feeling after reading all those rules.
Don’t worry; I’ll have a more fun post up next.
posted by MoDox Machmir Man at 4:15 PM
4 Comments:
what do you think of this situation: X knows that a friend, Y, really wants to go out with Z. X is dating other people meanwhile bc of lack of a connection to get set up with Z. unbeknownst to Y, X also really wants to go out with Z and has been suggested that he/she should look into Z... X and Y are pretty good friends and X keeps telling Y how much they want to go out with Z... but Y actually thinks he/she has a connection to get him/herself set up with Z....
is it wrong for X to try to get set up with Z? what if X is pretty sure that Y+Z is really not shayach anyway??
it seems that both x and y want to go out with z.
assuming x and y are good friends, x should go for it, but not do things behind y's back. shidduch dating shouldn't turn into high school drama.
x and y should both be straight up with each other, in my opinion. how good can z be anyway - is it worth losing y as a friend on a chance?
i think so at least - i'm gonna have to review my HS algebra and think about it some more :-)
i was just thinking... that it would be interesting (and maybe helpful) for you , since you ARE modox man, to please explain in your next post what exactly it means to be modern orthodox machmir...
Shadchanim are brokers and expect to be paid for a done deal just as real estate broker and recruiters are. It's a very old tradition. You can see my piece on Shidduchim in the Middle Ages archived under the spring 2006 issue section at http://kallahmagazine.com/Archived%20Articles.htm
But another point: there are some other guys in your category, so you can get together to commiserate.
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